Are We There Yet?

  I walk the autumn woodland. The forest floor lies under dry leaves and dusty stuff; beetle carapace, paper hives quartered by storm and neighbor boys. Slingshot's deadly aim. The dark dog ambles ahead with nose down and chin furrowing the trail, searching and delighting. Deer pellets, trail scat to nibble and gobble. My attention drifts away-I love the hound but dread the dead odor upon her, so turn and allow of the canopy above, textured and lacing into the frosted air, drape over me. Embrace my tender frame, aching and alive. Synchopation of the mad woodpecker drumming catches the wind falls along the ridgeline with the sinking gray cloud going dead in duff and scree underfoot. How can the dawn be other than this? The world is empty. The woods alone. Dog up to her shaking haunches in swamp stink- mud snout. I am aware this is all for me. Only me. My kingdom in spite of everything. Logic disappoints. My rising sun brings long shadows and light. The gray and rust...

It is the idea that an action is a choice among all those thousands of actions and the choice is one of three - Yes, No, or my particular home place, I Don't Know . As a child, I was all Yeses. All choices affirmative and all actions taken. Every choice was like my dog's choices - yes! yes! yes! . Then came the years of learning that yes might hurt you. I might get burned. I might lose. I might fail. Those were the fear years. The years of I Don't Know . Or, you could call it the Yes, because I don't know years. The safe yes. The yes that is the best guess to keep the peace, be polite, make others happy. No comes more easily now. No means, Yes you can take up your desire, pick up your own lantern with its glimmer of simple understanding. I sit. I pray. I love. I let go. I yield. I soothe. I soften. I turn in. I look out. I can see the lantern with its soft glow showing the way forward in its fair pool of light.