Are We There Yet?

Every good thing that comes is accompanied by trouble. Maxwell Perkins I am running away from this statement. This is where my heart turns hard and my chest fills up with a hot weight. Fear of the unknown is the one thing that all those politicians, those men on the hill, have in common. They count on this fear that the wrong choice or , more accurately, guess will be our undoing. Our nation under God. I thought we were under Canada. Really. Let me be clear. I need to be sitting at the table with bittersweet and candles. The candles have been used. The burnt wicks tell the story of a meal shared and a host thoughtfully providing the soft light  of tapers to encourage a relaxed state. Candles to wash over her guests with calm while they are comforted by delicious aromas, polished wood floors to caress their feet. The wood stove warm with the fire laid there earlier. I have spent a much of my lifetime in anticipation of what will come next. Not the happy surprise generally, bu...

We spent yesterday rushing from one party to the next. Love people. Parties...loud...can't hear...red wine on my shoes...not my idea of a great night. The last party we went to was a room of 30-40 year old young adults. White prosperous, self-assured and full of the promises that life gives them. Professionals and long time residents of an insular and self obsessed society. It was a fundraiser for those less fortunate. Lawyers and NYC escapees were the primary attendees. The wives were lovely, well dressed and athletic. This was clearly their night. Dressed in shimmery silks and cashmere. Hair cut and dyed for the holidays, many were there with the promise that all is well. There were a few of us over 50 and invited to round out the group. Several men, older and well oiled, clumped by the bar, talking about their sports cliques and exercise regimes. Happy with their portfolios, ready to face the grandkids and take their three week vacation in February. Okay. It is true. The cynici...

White Cedar Forest, Cape Cod

Ballston Beach, Truro

About a month ago, I visited a psychic. She spoke to me about my future. Well, she actually didn't say a whole lot about my future, but she did say this, "You are in a time where you don't have to do; you just have to be." I thought about this a lot. It felt like a relief. I have been so overwhelmed by my "you have to do everything now and lots of it" that I was actually becoming paralyzed by it all. Then, I spoke to a friend while sitting in the Coop cafe, and she told me about meditation and sitting still. She practices Insight Meditation, is retired, and seems pretty content. Time passed, I began to pay more attention to reciting my Bon prayers and keeping the house quiet during the day. Then, I picked up a journal for my sister-in-law to entertain her while she spends time in the hospital. The journal, Parabola, is always interesting and I thought it might ring a bell for her. I didn't even look at the cover. When we looked at it, I saw the top...

Last night was a typical quiet Wednesday evening in Brattleboro. Cold and clear, with the local restaurants full of folks looking for a little mid-winter warmth and company. Stephen and I decided to go to FireWorks for a quick bite to eat, and then go to the early show at the Latchis Theatre (no, not theater). As we sat at our table enjoying our meals, there were friends and acquaintances at every table, chatting, laughing, digging into pizzas. It is a comfort to know your neighbors and to feel known. As we were finishing our daughter arrived with two of her buddies. It was a nice surprise and made me not want to leave for our movie, but I am so glad that we did. Hugo was such an unexpected delight. Ever since my early 20's, having read Robertson Davies, The Deptford Trilogy , I have had a love affair with automatons. Hugo provided me with a very entertaining automaton, one of many magical visions created in this movie. The screen seemed to glow with a golden hue as cogs an...

Under a glowering sky. Glowering. What a round, angry, oppressive, perfectly formed word. It describes the weather that has dominated this month. I have no real complaints. The pipes tick as water fills them to send steam heat through the house. The fish tank filtration burbles and whirs. The fridge hums. Faucets drip. Radiators hiss. The dog sighs or whimpers while dreaming. The fan hums sending heat up the stairs. Outside birds chirp at the feeder. The traffic shushes along over the bridge. The brook whispers against its thin layer of ice.

Shirley Squires, Hamburger Bun Nativity The dog doesn't care whether you sing or laugh or cry or dance. She just wants a cookie. The weather is changing and the Republican candidates...all of them... are unbelievable idiots who say there is no such thing as climate change. If I do then I am here, but if I do too much then I am lost. I love wild birds but I don't like chickens. Chickens just spend way too much time around people. If I start the day with a quiet prayer, then everything that follows seems to make sense. I don't have to make a list. The more the moon shines the less sleep I get, and fizzy water keeps me up too. The older I get the younger my memories become.